Awkward, Awkward
by Hedonistic Opportunist
Summary: Five times in which Sasuke and Naruto are idiots about sex, and one time they aren't.


_**Awkward, Awkward**_

Disclaimer: _Yes, I own Naruto_. If you believed that, then you're clinically insane.

Rating: M, more for language and mild lime than anything else, really.

Notes: Gift fic for **Shaitanah**, someone who's been an awesome friend and understanding when she should have told me off (for angsting too much XD). I know how much you - for reasons I don't know - enjoy me liking this pairing and so, it's the only appropriate thing to offer you (I can always write more L/Light though if you wish - as punishment :p).

Beta'd by **Dooki-chan**. Thank you a lot, dear! Though I still had to go through it again and found a few errors XD.

**Warning(s)**: It should be evident that isn't going to be a fic about the HOT PRONZ. If you want that, please go away and read something else. What I'm trying to do here is present realistic attitudes about sex. I also don't differentiate between seme/uke. If that's a problem, don't bother me about it. Apart from that, I **warn for**: stupid boys who have little to no idea what they're doing, pointless arguments and them being very immature about it. Mostly. And fluff. More than I had intended O_O. Oh, as a reviewer pointed out, Sasuke is OOC - not intentionally. But I made him complain here too much, so he might across ... girly? =_=

The writing is kind of fail. So I warn about that too. No really, it's not my best. Far from it. I do admit to liking the dialogue in this fic, however.

Reviews are love. Concrit is better. And everything else is um, mostly okay too.

...

_(I'm just not ready to feel all of you just yet). _

"_Naruto_, get those fingers out of my arse right now!" Sasuke complained, his voice nearly hysterical sounding. Sweat was plastered on his forehead and he was gritting his teeth while Naruto twisted his fingers inside of his anus; an action that sex guides recommended one to do before attempting anal sex. Yes, Sasuke thought with a cringe, he'd actually been idiotic enough to assume that sex would feel good. Disregarding the fact that it made most people act like bloody idiots and that it gave you STDs.

He truly must have been off his rockers when he'd agreed to Naruto's proposition of "_hey, since we've been fooling around the training grounds and in dark alleys, we might as well try having sex. Or, aren't you man enough?"_

And he'd believed himself to be man enough and had even agreed to "take it up the ass like a real guy" since there was no way he'd lose to Naruto. But that been before he'd realised that having fingers inside of you was a) fucking embarrassing and b) that he maybe just wasn't ready for this kind of stuff. Because, as it was, he was neither turned on nor feeling the need to have Naruto fill him. If anything the prospect of having anything inside of his asshole right now made Sasuke tremble even more; the fingers were stretching him uncomfortably and the pain was of the burning sort. Any more and Sasuke was certain that he'd tear in that area. And it wasn't only the pain or the fact that being exposed to Naruto like this made him feel very, very humiliated and vulnerable, maybe - as Sasuke closed his eyes and bit harshly against his underlips - the intimacy of it all terrified him.

Kissing was one thing. Grinding against one another while still mostly dressed was also different compared to _this_. Very different.

Under normal circumstances, Naruto would have considered this incredibly funny and have shot a photograph of this because really, he'd never heard Sasuke - that bastard - sound so fucking scared. It would have made the perfect bribery. Only that, right now, it really didn't feel right to be jubilant about this. And, as the sick feeling in his gut told Naruto, he really didn't feel all too gleeful about this. He stopped.

"Does it really feel this bad? It's supposed to be relaxing -" Naruto started, wanting to reassure Sasuke that it couldn't be all this bad. After all, people did have sex this way. All the time. "A little pain shouldn't bother you - we are nin-"

"Shut the fuck up," Sasuke half-screamed furiously, his eyes flaring red. "It's not relaxing at all. It hurts. Damnit, it _hurts so much_. Take them out, please."

Naruto might be a trickster and a loud-mouthed guy, but he wasn't a jerk. And hearing Sasuke sound that uncomfortable, he felt regret stir inside of him and took the fingers out. "I'm sorry. I didn't know it'd make you feel this uncomfortable."

He hadn't wanted to hurt Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't say anything, merely pulling the bedsheets over his sweat-drenched body. He was still trembling; Naruto suddenly felt sorry he'd pushed Sasuke into doing this; he was about to apologise when Sasuke suddenly spoke.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, refusing to meet Naruto's eyes and keeping them focused on the white wall in front of him instead," Didn't know it would ... I don't think I'm ready for this, Naruto."

Naruto's eyes widened. Sasuke was saying _sorry_?

Naruto shook his head. "Don't apologise. We don't have to do this right now. Maybe, next time, I'll try to bott-"

"_No."_

"No?" Naruto asked, perplexed. Why was Sasuke turning him down now? Damn it. Naruto clenched his fist. What had he done wrong?

Sasuke sat up; the bedsheets fell down to his hips and Naruto couldn't help staring at Sasuke's pale skin or the lithe build of his body. But what he noticed even more was that Sasuke was breathing quickly, nearly as if he was anxious. However, his observation came to halt when he felt Sasuke's hand on his arm.

"Let's just stick to kissing and grinding for a while, okay? Or is it not good enough?" Sasuke asked, this time meeting Naruto's eyes. His gaze was serious, silently communicating to Naruto that he'd not appreciate lies or a joke as an answer.

"Idiot, being with you is more than good enough. It doesn't matter how as long as we're together."

Sasuke nodded, not saying anything in return but glad that Naruto understood.

---

_(I just can't help it)_

Naruto felt himself growing hot, hotter and hotter with every second while Sasuke was jerking him off. Okay, so the movements were a bit jerky and he was a bit too aggressive, but it felt good - mostly. Only, Naruto felt that Sasuke could hurry up a bit.

"Sasuke, damnit - faste-" Naruto felt himself crying out and bucked his body upwards, meeting Sasuke's erratic movements.

"Stop complaining, idiot," Sasuke snapped, trying to figure out how to pump properly. It was slippery and Sasuke couldn't help cringing slightly at how wet and slippery all of this was. Also, Naruto's whining didn't make things better. If anything, Sasuke had to fight back the urge to punch him.

"Do it faster, moron," Naruto grunted out, still thrusting his hips upwards. Gosh, it really was difficult doing anything with this preternaturally stubborn-minded Sasuke. He had to make everything so damned complicated.

But then, despite Sasuke's rather crappy hand job, Naruto found himself coming, glad to finally feel some relief after having had his patience tested for such a long time.

Sasuke, however, didn't seem all too pleased. He stared at his hand in horror.

"Eww. I can't believe you just did that -" he said, anger evident in his voice. "Now I have to wash my hands."

_"What?" _Naruto spat out, not believing what he was hearing.

"You came over all over my hand," Sasuke complained, staring daggers at Naruto. "You should have warned me!"

"Well, you genius, what did you expect to happen? Of course, I'd come - _goddammit_."

"Yes, but not over my hand!" Sasuke reprimanded him, as if Naruto had committed the worst crime of the century. Which, according to Sasuke was just the case: he'd just taken a bath and washing over and over again was going to make his water bill rise to giga-enormous amounts. He didn't keep a bag of money around him (and he wasn't as loaded as everyone thought he was).

"Naturally, over your hand. Where else, you bastard?" Naruto asked incredulously. "On the wall, the floor ...? Are you serious about this, man?"

He really wasn't having this argument with Sasuke now. How stupid could a guy be?

This had to be a nightmare. Really, why was he even together -

Sasuke was staring at him indignantly, lips pouted and dark eyes narrowed dangerously.

Oh yes. _That _was why.

Sasuke just looked incredibly sexy when he was angry: his skin was flushed red, his messy hair falling all over his face and his eyes - they showed all sort of emotions.

"Naruto, you god-damned idiot. Why are you grinn- mph-"

Naruto decided that shutting Sasuke up with a kiss was a very, very wise thing to do.

And, in spite of Sasuke's bitching and bad jerking off skills, he was a passable kisser. Perhaps, a bit too aggressive and too fond of biting Naruto's tongue, but hell, Rome had not been built in a day.

And, moreover, you just couldn't help loving whom you loved.

_(Even if the person you loved was an annoying bastard like Sasuke). _

---

_(Because we can't be smart or sensitive all the time)_

"You said this was sexy - but it's boring as fuck," Naruto replied for the umpteenth time that night, trying to free himself from the chains that were keeping him tied to the spot. Sasuke had promised him a night he'd never forget, but not this: being chained on the bed and having Sasuke kiss his toes, pour candle wax over him and lick his chest while ignoring the area that required most of the attention. Okay, it wasn't horrible but - damn it - he was a) tired b) not in the mood to be teased and c) Sasuke was terribly, terribly slow.

"Are you listening to me? Undo those chains and let's do it the proper way!"

"Just wait, okay. It's about creating a mood!" Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. Damn it, why had he listened to Kakashi and his advice about spicing up his love life? Oh yes, it was because he was an idiot, apparently. And he'd been foolish to believe that Naruto would have the sense appreciate something more romantic.

"I don't give a damn about the mood. Just do me! Or I'll - "

"_Shut up!_" Sasuke retorted, and the frustration he felt was flaring up inside of him now. "Is this how you thank me? By being an impatient idiot?"

"Thank you? For what? For _this_? _For being a bastard with a stick shoved up his ar_-?"

By the time, Sasuke had slammed his fist against Naruto's face, Naruto realised that he, perhaps, should have chosen his words a little more fortunately. He'd hurt Sasuke feelings, quite evidently. Indeed, Sasuke, once angered, took quite a while to cool down (he definitely wasn't going to have any sex this night).

And when he was left alone in the bedroom, which had been arranged rather nicely in preparation for the night he'd ruined, Naruto really did regret that he'd not allowed Sasuke to have his way.

They did, however, make up next night when Naruto took Sasuke out for a proper dinner and then made love to him on their bed, showing Sasuke just how much he appreciated and loved him.

---

_(Because, in the end, I just love you, no matter what)_

Naruto was kissing Sasuke, passionately and running his hands all over his body when the other man suddenly spoke.

"Do you mind that I don't have any breasts?"

Naruto paused. "_Excuse me_?"

"I've just been wondering - do you mind that I'm not a woman?"

"I've been having sex with you for over two years, Sasuke. Why would I mind that you're not a woman?"

Sasuke hesitated for a while; the words were on his tongue, but if he said them, something would change between them. Or so he feared. "Maybe it's because it doesn't matter whom you fuck as long as you get some. Maybe it's convenient to sleep with me. But once you find a girl, you might just stop wanting to be with me."

Naruto laughed. Quite sharply. Had Sasuke been reading Freud or something like that? What the hell had gotten into him?

"That's not funny!"

How could Naruto laugh about this? Did he think it amusing that Sasuke was worried, afraid that Naruto might leave him one day? He buried his face with his hands and started feeling nauseous; Naruto sighed and removed Sasuke's hands from his face. He wasn't laughing anymore.

"Don't-" Sasuke started.

"_Look at me._ Sasuke, you idiot, of _course it matters._"

"Naruto-" Sasuke started to say, but stopped when Naruto leaned over him.

"I don't," Naruto whispered into Sasuke's ear," have sex with you because it's convenient. But because I love you, Sasuke. You and only you."

He'd chased after him for years, hadn't he? Didn't Sasuke realise just how much he needed him? And how everything would go to hell if he didn't have Sasuke at his side?

"I want you, Sasuke. Whether you're covered in scars, old and wrinkly or I don't know ... grow horns. I just want you - _get that into that thick skulls of yours._"

Sasuke smiled and tugged at Naruto's hair, pulling the man's face closer against his own. "Good. Now continue what you were doing."

And Naruto most gladly did.

---

_(No matter how much you smell or burp, you're still sexy to me). _

"Naruto makes the strangest sounds when he comes. He nearly sounds like a pig," Sasuke said to Sakura after she'd asked him how his and Naruto's sex life was.

She stared at him. "That's all? That's hardly erotic."

Sasuke sighed. "Of course, it isn't. Nothing is erotic about Naruto. Not his onion-like morning breath. Or the way he farts in bed. Not the stinking socks in his room. Not the way he pushes me down the bed and then does me till I can't move, or believes that wet, sloppy kisses down my neck are stimulating or his big, smelly feet ..."

"Stop it. Too much information," Sakura interrupted him, waving her hands about erratically. She looked green in the face too.

"You asked," Sasuke reminded her, smirking evilly.

"It nearly sounds like you don't think he's s-"

"Of course he's sexy. He's sexy because he's Naruto."

And though he didn't realise it, Sasuke was smiling as he said that.

---

_(I could keep holding on to you forever)_

It was raining in patters when Naruto returned home. He took off his Hokage robes, threw them on a chair and crept into bed where Sasuke was already waiting.

"Hey," Sasuke whispered, turning around to face Naruto.

"Hey back at you," Naruto answered and buried his face in Sasuke's neck. He placed an arm around Sasuke, just enjoying the feel of having the other man so close to him. He sighed loudly.

"Bad day?" Sasuke asked, liking how warm Naruto's arm was and how his fingers were running up and down his hand. Sasuke closed his eyes, utterly content.

"You bet. So bad that it would have made Lee curse."

"Tell me about it," Sasuke said and Naruto did against the backdrop of the rain. That night both of them felt utterly and completely at peace with the world because, as cliché as it was, as long as they had each other, nothing else mattered.

...


End file.
